My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
