You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
