In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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