Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
