Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
