Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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