Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
