He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
