It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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