We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I could fuck to npr.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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