is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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