That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
