I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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