Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
