FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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