If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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