My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You brought string cheese to the strip club
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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