Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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