OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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