I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
