y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
