I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
