She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Success! We fucked roommates!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
