I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
