he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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