So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
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Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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