she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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