They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
