i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
