he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
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As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
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Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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