He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
