I murdered the dance floor call the cops
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
