her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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