Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
