Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
