obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
