Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
