Moan for me like Helen Keller
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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