All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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