need another drink. this is the easiest way
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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