I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
