apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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