so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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