Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
so much tequila, so little girl.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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