There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
