That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
