She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
