remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Randomize
