Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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