I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize