I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Text me some of your sweat
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
