over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
