i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
