Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
