So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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