so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
we're making bets on your personal life
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
