ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
