i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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